So many lessons, so little time.
But first, congratulations to Kim on her newly assigned status of legally single!
The biggest takeaway from the ongoing divorce between Kim Kardashian and Kanye West is to
keep your divorce, co-parenting issues, and dating life off of social media. Instead, choose a
select few trusted friends to confide in, and hire a good therapist. Anything you post can and will
be used against you, whether innocent or valid or justified (or not). Airing your opinions about
how the system is cheating you or how your ex is vilifying you is not helpful to a pending divorce
or custody case. If you don’t like the way your co-parent is acting then convert all
communication between the two of you to text or email and use that as proof in court.
For example, Kanye was alleging that he wasn’t invited to his child’s birthday party. He went live
on Instagram, while driving, to tell his ten million plus followers that he was invited but not given
the address which by his narrative meant he was not invited. He admitted to asking the
boyfriends and ex-boyfriends of his soon-to-be-former family where the party was being held,
and then showed up to the party. Kim’s camp says that they had agreed upon an arrangement
of Kanye having the second half of the day to celebrate with their child separately, following the
party she was hosting. We don’t know what, if anything, is in writing but what we do have are
Kanye’s rants and posts during and after the fact. If Kim has the agreement in writing then
Kanye at the very least loses respect and any foot to stand on in the eyes of the court for any
custody matters.
There is no rule or law that prohibits you from dating before your divorce is finalized, but it can
be seen as in good faith to not be too public about it. Of course, when the divorce is getting
dragged out as the Kardashian-West divorce is, it’s not fair to not move on and be happy and be
open about your newfound happiness. But, when those new significant others are on a rotation
with new relationships being introduced constantly and children are in the mix, it is not a sign of
stable parenting. Again, the court will not look favorably upon you during custody matters if
there is proof that you have gallivanted different dates around in front of your children.
Obviously, any threats made against your estranged spouse’s new beau will also be taken
seriously by a judge. In this case, the fact that Kim had to ask Kanye to rescind his veiled
threats towards her new boyfriend will be seen as aggressive, unstable, and dangerous to the
courts. A judge will consider this behavior when making custody decisions. Even though Kim
now is considered legally single, this does not preclude her from the same obligations.
All of this should be obvious but sometimes it takes watching someone else make the mistakes
so publicly to learn the lessons for ourselves. We are not Kim and Kanye with a combined
hundreds of millions of social media followers and we are not followed by ruthless paparazzi
hoping to catch us slipping, but you never know when someone is watching. Your social media
could be private but you don’t want to become suspicious of every follower you have and
wonder who might provide your ex with information you post that can be used against you. The
best thing to do is keep your private life private, for now. Find online forums where you can be
around others going through a divorce at the same time so you don’t feel so isolated. (Tip:
check the participants to see who belongs to make sure you have confidentiality and perhaps
use a screen name and pseudonyms).
There are some gripes and grievances that all divorcing parents experience that would be
acceptable to share online, but try to keep things as positive as possible in the public eye. The
price you can pay to vent online is never worth it. The same goes for publishing music or any
other work of art (article, book, canvas, etc) that derides your estranged spouse or their chosen
new lifestyle. Personal drama can be great for creativity, but publishing such pieces should wait
until after your divorce is settled and custody is agreed upon. Your lawyer will advise you of all
of the above, there’s a reason for that!
These are all tips I cover when I meet with new clients as part of mediation services. I even
cover these topics with my clients who are resolving conflicts within families or businesses, not
just couples divorcing. Remember, mediation is the best solution for your contentious issues.
Save time, save money, and keep the peace with the Chief PeaceKeeper™ who offers top notch divorce mediation services.
