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Divorce Mediation FAQs
Clear answers to the questions that come before an agreement.
How do we start? What happens to the house? Can we disagree and still mediate? These answers explain the process and how Scott Levin helps you work through the legal, financial and parenting decisions.
Choose a topic below, or start with the question that brought you here.
Understand the choices
Learn how the process works and which decisions need attention before you commit to a proposal.
Connect law and finances
Work through the practical effect of property and support options with an attorney who is also a CDFA®.
Make the details work
Turn broad agreements about children, money and the home into terms you can understand and carry out.
“Scott was detailed and explained everything in clear terms, and made sure we understood the process.”
Johnmar D. · Mediation client
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Find the answers you need.
Already agreed on the terms? See help with the divorce documents. Looking for prenups or another service? See other services.
Getting Started
Do we both have to agree to try mediation?
Yes. Private mediation is voluntary, so both of you need to be willing to take part and share financial information honestly. You do not need to agree on the outcome before you start. Working through those differences is the point of mediation.
Do we need to file for divorce before calling?
No. Many couples come to us before anything is filed, and starting in mediation often makes the filing simpler. If a case is already open, mediation can still resolve the issues that remain.
How do we get started?
Schedule a free consultation to discuss the decisions you need help making. Scott explains his neutral role, the scope of the work and the next steps. If you both proceed, you sign an agreement to mediate and each have an individual kickoff meeting before the joint work begins. See the mediation process.
What if one of us is unsure mediation will work?
That is a fair question to raise in the consultation. Scott will talk through what is making you hesitant and whether both of you can take part productively. If either of you believes assets will be hidden, or cannot participate safely, a different process may be better.
What if my spouse will not try mediation?
You cannot require someone to take part in private mediation. You can still learn your options, prepare for a conversation with your spouse, or get advice just for you through Scott's consulting attorney service, which is a separate, one-person engagement.
Can we mediate if we already have attorneys?
Often, yes. Your attorneys can advise each of you individually while Scott works with both of you as a neutral mediator. We will discuss how they will be involved so everyone understands the roles.
Watch Scott's short: What if your spouse hires a divorce attorney?
What does Scott bring to mediation?
Scott, a California attorney since 2004, combines legal knowledge with his work as a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® and experience in more than 2,500 mediations. He helps you understand the law, examine financial options and turn decisions into a written settlement. Our office prepares and files the uncontested court paperwork. As your mediator, Scott remains neutral and does not represent either spouse.
What if we have already agreed and just need the divorce documents?
You may need help turning your decisions into a complete agreement and the required court forms rather than a series of mediation sessions. Our uncontested divorce paperwork service may fit. If important terms are still open, mediation can help first.
Read how Scott approaches divorce mediation, or schedule a free consultation to see whether it fits your family.
The Mediation Process
What happens in a mediation session?
After individual kickoff meetings, most couples have roughly five joint sessions of about 90 minutes, usually one to two weeks apart. In each session we work through the decisions you need to make, look at the facts and options, and record what you agree on. Between sessions you can gather documents, think things over and talk with your own advisors.
Will we meet individually or only together?
Both. Each spouse has an individual kickoff meeting, most of the work happens in joint sessions, and individual meetings can be added when useful. Scott stays neutral throughout, and we explain at the start how information shared in individual meetings will be handled.
Can we mediate online?
Yes. You can meet at our San Diego office or by Zoom from anywhere in California, and some couples combine the two. Online sessions work the same way as in-person ones.
Is what we say in mediation confidential?
California law generally protects communications made for mediation, subject to statutory exceptions. A bank statement or other pre-existing document does not become protected merely because you bring it to mediation. Court filings are also different from private mediation discussions. Scott explains the confidentiality rules and how individual meetings will be handled before you begin.
Can Scott and Mary work with us together?
Yes. In co-mediation, Scott brings the legal and financial perspective and Mary Levin, Co-Parenting Specialist®, helps with parenting and communication. This can be useful when you need to work through the routines, transitions and decisions involved in raising children in two households.
Who writes the agreement and files the paperwork?
Scott drafts a custom marital settlement agreement for both of you to review, and our office prepares and files the uncontested court paperwork. You can have your own attorney review the agreement before you sign.
Do we have to appear in court?
Most couples who reach a complete agreement never attend a courtroom hearing. The court still has to approve the paperwork and sign a judgment to finalize the divorce.
Is the agreement legally binding?
A discussion or tentative proposal is different from a signed settlement. Signing a settlement can create legal obligations before the divorce judgment, so ask questions and consider independent legal review before signing. When the judge approves the agreement and incorporates it into the judgment, its terms become court orders. The judgment also states when your marital status ends.
How is private mediation different from court mediation?
San Diego Family Court Services provides child custody recommending counseling when parents have disputed custody or parenting-time issues before the court. If issues remain unresolved, the counselor makes recommendations to the judge. It does not resolve property or support disputes. In private mediation with Scott, you can address parenting, property and support together; Scott helps you negotiate and does not recommend an outcome to the judge.
Time and Cost
How long does mediation take?
Most clients reach a complete settlement in about 10 weeks. It can be faster or slower depending on how many issues you have, how quickly you exchange financial information, and how much time each of you needs between sessions. The court's timeline for the final judgment is separate.
What is California's six-month waiting period?
For a traditional divorce petition, the minimum waiting period generally runs from service on the other spouse or that spouse’s first appearance, whichever happens first. For a joint petition, available since January 1, 2026, it runs from filing the joint petition. You can negotiate and sign a settlement during that time. The divorce is not automatic when six months pass: the court must enter a judgment, and the termination date in that judgment controls when you are legally single.
How much does divorce mediation cost?
Scott offers divorce mediation for a flat fee. He explains what is included and the fee before you begin.
Who pays for mediation?
That is up to the two of you. Many couples pay from joint funds or split the fee, and the arrangement can be part of what you agree on.
What if we only need help with one issue?
Mediation can focus on the issues you have left. If one of you instead wants individual advice on a single question or a review of another mediator's proposal, the hourly consulting attorney service may be a better fit. That is a separate, one-person engagement.
Schedule a free consultation to hear how the flat fee would work for your situation.
Children and Support
Can we make our own parenting plan?
Yes. Mediation lets you design a plan around your children's needs, school routines, holidays, travel and the practical details of two households. We help you turn broad ideas into terms you can actually follow. Learn more about parenting plan mediation.
What if we disagree about parenting time?
You do not have to solve every disagreement before you come in. We talk through the children's routines, each parent's concerns and possible schedules. If safety is a concern, tell us before the first joint meeting.
Can unmarried parents mediate custody and support?
Yes. You do not need to be divorcing to work out a parenting plan and support for your children. The court forms differ from a divorce, so tell us whether you already have a case or order. Read about child custody mediation.
How do we work out child and spousal support?
Scott gathers the financial information, checks the income and parenting-time assumptions, and explains how proposals affect each household. Child support starts from California’s guideline formula; parents can agree to a different amount if the agreement meets the legal requirements. Temporary and long-term spousal support follow different rules; a temporary calculator is not a final answer for long-term support. Mediation lets you work through amount, timing and other terms with an understanding of the law and your finances.
Explore child support mediation or spousal support mediation.
Tell us which parenting or support question you are trying to resolve.
Property and Finances
What do we have to disclose?
Both spouses must provide complete and accurate information about income, expenses, assets and debts. Our office provides and reviews the disclosure forms; you complete them and exchange the required information. Preliminary disclosures are required in a mediated divorce. Final declarations may be waived if the legal requirements are met, but that does not eliminate the duty to disclose or update material information.
Do we have to split every asset in half?
Not item by item. California generally requires the community estate to be divided equally overall, and spouses can agree in writing to a different division. The first step is to sort out what is community and what is separate property and what each item is really worth after taxes. Then you can build a division you both understand. Read about property division in mediation.
Can you help with the home, retirement, a business or stock compensation?
Yes. Scott combines the legal and financial analysis to compare options and identify details that need follow-through. A house buyout needs a value, an equity calculation and a workable payment and loan plan. Retirement and stock awards may involve taxes, future payments or division documents. An appraiser, retirement specialist or tax professional can be involved when needed.
See the house buyout guide, property division and stock compensation, or divorce financial consulting.
My spouse handled our finances. Can I still hold my own in mediation?
Yes. You do not need to arrive with the same financial knowledge as your spouse. Scott explains the information and calculations so both of you can evaluate the options. You can ask questions, request missing information and consult an independent attorney or financial advisor. You should not sign a settlement you do not understand or feel pressured to accept.
Steady guidance through the difficult parts.
“Scott continuously tried to keep it on track to close out the process.”
“He did a great job on our settlement agreement and it was easily understandable.”
Reviews describe individual experiences, and results vary. Read more client reviews →
If It Gets Hard
What happens if we cannot reach an agreement?
Either of you can end mediation at any time. Many couples resolve most issues and have only one or two left, which can then be negotiated through attorneys or decided by the court. Because Scott served as your neutral mediator, he cannot represent either of you afterward.
Is mediation right if there has been abuse or I am afraid of my spouse?
Tell us privately before any joint meeting. Mediation depends on both people being able to speak freely and safely. If that is not possible, Scott will tell you, and a different process may be needed. If you are in immediate danger, call 911.
Can we pause mediation?
Yes. Some couples need time to gather information, get an appraisal or simply take a breath. We can schedule around that and pick up where you left off.
Advice Just for You
Do I need my own lawyer if Scott is our mediator?
You are not required to have one, but you may consult your own attorney at any stage, including before you sign. As your mediator, Scott explains the law and helps you build an agreement, but he cannot advise either spouse as that person's lawyer.
Can Scott advise me individually while I mediate with someone else?
Yes, if there is no conflict. In a separate consulting engagement, Scott can advise one person on the process, prepare them for a session, review a proposal or calculation, or explain a draft agreement, billed by the hour. See how one-on-one consulting works.
Can Scott switch from being our mediator to advising only me?
No. If Scott or the firm has mediated for you and your spouse, Scott cannot become one spouse's consulting attorney. If he has advised one spouse, he cannot later mediate for both.
Questions About a Different Path?
- Prenuptial agreements: planning before marriage.
- Postnuptial agreements: a financial agreement after marriage.
- Legal separation: how it differs from divorce.
- Military divorce: benefits, retirement and parenting around service.
- Post-divorce modifications: changing a parenting or support order.
- Uncontested divorce paperwork: documenting an agreement you already have.
Prefer to send us a message?
Tell us briefly where things stand and what you need help deciding. You can also email Scott.
You do not need every document before you call.
A first conversation can begin with three things:
- Where you are in the process, including any case already filed or court date set.
- The two or three decisions you are most concerned about.
- Whether you want a neutral mediator for both of you or individual advice for yourself.
We will explain the appropriate next step and what information to send.