How Can A Divorce Coach Help You In Your Divorce
Chief PeaceKeeper Scott Levin 00:00
Hey everybody. This is Scott Levin chief peacekeeper and I am so stoked to be joined today by India Kern. How are you India? I’m fine, Scott. Thanks for having me. Thank you. So for those of you that don’t know, India is one of the leading certified divorce coaches, I think throughout California. She has an incredible online platform social media, she’s just blowing up and is huge. and India, before we get into the topic of the day, could you tell us about the in-person coaching event that you were just talking? Yeah,
India Kern, Certified Divorce Coach 00:34
yeah, thanks, God. So I do one on one coaching, but I have something that I’m super excited about is happening in August is the second and fourth Mondays of each month, August, September, and October, and it’s going to be in-person coaching because we’re all zoomed out, right? We’re tired to be on zoom, right. But if you can’t make it in person, I will have an online option. So it’s the best of both worlds. And if you wanted to, there’ll be six sessions, but you could technically hit all 12 if you wanted. So, um, I will give you all the information and you can put it in the details and the notes and see if anyone’s interested, I’d love to talk to you about it.
Chief PeaceKeeper Scott Levin 01:13
And otherwise, if people want to, you know, talk to you throughout the country, or just, you know, pick your brain do they can also, you know, engage you virtually as well, just not for that. But for anything else in general.
India Kern, Certified Divorce Coach 01:27
Absolutely. And I have a discovery call. So that’s a free call. And we can talk and see if coatings are fit for you. So you can find that on India current.com. Just India like the country current ke r n.com.
Chief PeaceKeeper Scott Levin 01:41
Awesome. Well, so he and I were talking just before this, and I think a great topic for a conversation with a with an elite, you know, divorce coach, like India is basically as a mediator, I’m a full-time mediator. I’m an attorney, but I just help people resolve disputes. And in the divorce world, unfortunately, you know, a decent amount of people that come to me are dealing with the kickback of discovering that, you know, there was a cheating situation in the marriage. And they’ve decided then to, you know, move forward with the separation. And those cases, though, the emotions can just be so raw. The feelings, you know, are extremely sensitive. So I guess my question to India is, we want people to go into mediation because we believe I think most of us believe that. In the long run, that’s what’s best for people. That’s the best place if a divorce is going to happen, for it to happen. But when there’s a cheating situation, and the emotions are just extremely wrong, how do you coach your clients to do what’s in their best interest when they might not even want to look at the other person or be in the same room with them? Or, you know,
India Kern, Certified Divorce Coach 02:57
right? That’s a great question. Actually, Scott, that was me and 2011. So I first went to a mediator with my soon to be x. And I didn’t know what I didn’t know, right? So I get in there. And I’m thinking, Oh, I’m gonna be railroaded. And I have all these I can’t even speak, you know, because I’m so emotionally raw, like you said, and I had no idea that I could have a consulting attorney and I could have an advocate. So my decisions were made based off of little information, right. So if I had had a divorce coach or someone educating me, I would have definitely taken that route. Because the alternative was litigation. And we fought a lot in our mind. I mean, you can imagine it was we, we spent so much money, and it was unnecessary. And so when I coached my clients, of course, I share that story. But what I love about mediation is the intention behind it, you’re both coming to the table with really a mission statement to do what’s best for the children to get through this with the least amount of collateral damage. That is possible, right? And if you go with and you set an intention, which I do in my clients, before mediation, you’ve just tended to follow through and I see people that go through mediation come out so much happier. And so it tends to be a shorter process. Whereas litigation, you know, again, going back to my story started in 2011. It was the fastest divorce possible, but then there were other things that came along till 2017. So we were in and out of court that long, so if I had to do it over again, I would definitely say I would definitely go to mediation, but again, I just wish I had had the knowledge you know like I said, you don’t know what you don’t know
Chief PeaceKeeper Scott Levin 04:51
is that you empower your clients is through that knowledge and under. Exactly.
India Kern, Certified Divorce Coach 04:56
Yeah, exactly. Cuz you mean you know usually you don’t know about divorce and unless you’re in the profession, or you’ve been through it yourself, like, why would you know anything about it? So, you know, I shared with you earlier I went to therapy and therapy is great, but it was really helping me understand why married the person I did. It was not helping me make a game plan like how are we going to get through this it? What should I do in litigation? Should I do mediation? How do I decide on a mediator? You know, all these different good. One thing I could have really used is someone to help me get emotionally and mentally prepared for the business of divorce, whether that be mediation, or litigation was scary enough, right? The depositions were super scary. So that was hard in itself. So you know, I’m education equals confidence. And that’s what I didn’t have. I was lacking confidence because I didn’t have a god. And I always say, I became the guide I didn’t have. And so anyway, that’s how I got here. But yeah, education is huge.
Chief PeaceKeeper Scott Levin 06:02
And so how so when you wrapped up, or you know, at some point during your divorce, you were thinking, I need to help people that are going through, I can help people? How do you take that desire, you know, to do it, and then, you know, actually become someone in your position? You know, that’s not just a coach, but that has a business that has clients that are thriving, how do you, you know, go from that first step to where you are now?
India Kern, Certified Divorce Coach 06:32
Well, it definitely took time because I had to heal that it’s definitely you know, you cannot do it when you’re raw. So it took a lot of time, I wrote a book called surviving the unwanted divorce. And then I looked into life coaching, and then I had the same client essentially coming to me all the time. And it was usually someone that was going through the divorce process struggling stuck in their pain. And so I thought to myself, Hmm, maybe I should do this divorce coaching thing, I didn’t even know it existed. So then I started researching, I found that, you know, you can get certified and that’s how I, I got into it. And then, um, you know, it really gave me purpose, because before I was a stay-at-home mom, and I, of course, I had my children. But this really gave me purpose to help others, so they didn’t have to suffer. You know, I like to say, I made every mistake in the book, so you don’t have to, and I really did, I just, I flew by the seat of my pants. I if I like I said, If I could do things over I was but now I use that knowledge and I help others. So they don’t fall in those traps is, you know, mistakes that I made.
Chief PeaceKeeper Scott Levin 07:39
In the last couple of minutes. Can you share may be an example? Of course not giving any specific, you know, details of the person, but can you share an example of how working with someone kind of, you know, maybe created a whole new path, you know, that this person, you know, would not have had without your help? Sure, let’s
India Kern, Certified Divorce Coach 07:59
see. Um, so, you know, what I find is a common pitfall, I guess you could say, with a lot of people going through a divorce, like the one you set up that maybe was found out about a cheating spouse. What I see is that the blame everything is put on the other person and yes, I get it, I get it, the other person had an there was an infraction. And they, you know, that’s, that’s not good. But, but what coaching does is turns the perspective on you, right? Because all you can control is your, your side of the street, so to speak, right? So the greatest thing about that is that you have control over your feelings. And I think what we forget is when we’re launching these like, you know, daggers and the other person goes we’re so hurt we forget that they are that is controlling our emotions, whereas if we change the thought we can control our feelings and then and then get different results. So that’s basically the nut-like coaching in a nutshell. Change your thoughts change your life. And so that’s where I would say everything starts with you and staying on your side of the street.
Chief PeaceKeeper Scott Levin 09:14
I love that I think that’s unbelievable advice. India Kern, can you repeat how people can find you again?
India Kern, Certified Divorce Coach 09:23
Yeah, definitely. So um, go to India Kern calm that’s India like the country and current is k e r n calm and be on the lookout for the new in-person group coaching and the online group coaching and of course I always do one on one. But thank you, Scott, for having me. Yeah, I
Chief PeaceKeeper Scott Levin 09:42
love that advice. And everyone in India is just incredible. So check her out, educate, learn, and you know, if you’re in this process, it’s a great place to be so appreciate it.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai