Tips For Successful Negotiating – San Diego Family Law Mediation
All issues of your divorce can be simply stated in two ways: (1) as problems to be solved or (2) as battles to be won. In battle you defeat the other person. If one wins, the other in turn loses. On the other hand, when you solve problems, you both benefit. If it is to last, your agreement can’t be comprised of victories in battle but instead must be a set of solutions to problems. For a more detailed discussion of the issues discussed in this brief blog, we recommend that you read a fantastic book titled “Getting Divorced Without Ruining Your Life” by Sam Margulies.
In our San Diego family law mediation firm, we teach clients four steps to successful negotiations:
- Attack Problems, not each other.
- Define the problem by identifying interests
- Identify all the options
- Find mutually satisfying solutions to problems
With regard to attacking problems, we advise that you arrive to the mediation prepared to focus on your future. When attacked about past behavior, acknowledge that you understand your spouses statement but don’t take the bait. Don’t rise like a fish to the bait. Pass it by and keep negotiating and focusing on the problems you need to resolve to achieve an agreement.
Our primary role beyond coaching our clients and fostering communication is to help create options when a disagreement arises. And inevitably there will be disagreements. With our female and male co-mediation team, our job is to help you avoid impasse by generating more alternatives until you both find one you can accept. By definition, an impasse exists when the two of you have only two alternatives and you are each committed to your own and reject the others position. Therefore to evade being stuck, we come up with ideas and options.
While we don’t want to reveal how the sauce is made here in this blog, we hope that you and your spouse will come in for a consultation and allow us the opportunity to discuss how we can help with your divorce mediation in San Diego.